A few years ago, I took an online assessment that ranked 34 strengths. My top ones, Relator and Input, made sense. But my eyes opened a bit wider when I saw the one that landed at the very bottom: Competition.
It all clicked: of course I wasn’t interested in beating sales numbers or outperforming colleagues. I was just not a competitive person. I wanted everyone to win.
But did my chill and welcoming attitude dull my instincts? When I dismissed competition, I also left behind discernment, standards, and a fire in the belly.
So today we’re going to reframe competition. Not as aggressive ego domination, but as focused determination fueled by values.
Your competitive energy might be the most underused intelligence you own, and it’s been hiding in your irritation, not in your achievements. When you know that, you can uncover what matters and do something about it.
GenX Isn’t Apathetic, Just Selective
In the early 1990s, GenXers were branded with the “Slacker” label. Somehow it stuck, even as we set aside our mistrust in systems and got swallowed by the grind of the corporate world.
Maybe this label weaseled its way into your identity, and now you believe you don’t have the hustle for entrepreneurship.
But you’re not apathetic; you’re selective.
When I look back at my lack of a competitive streak, I also see plenty of activities that gave me boundless energy. Those ones aligned with what mattered to me. I bet you also can summon that energy for projects you care about.
So if you still equate competition with exhausting hustle, rebrand it as the pursuit of integrity, beauty, or creativity. Then apply some muscle.
Remove Shame From Your Competitive Drive
Maybe you were raised to never draw attention to yourself. That competitive people are selfish and overbearing. Remember that classmate who dominated volleyball and wasn’t even humble about it? The nerve!
So knowing how you felt about others, you hid your latent ambition from the world because you didn’t want to be judged, misunderstood, or resented.
That’s a quick path to feeling ashamed of doing well.
But people who insist, “I’m not competitive,” often have the strongest ambition; they’ve just aimed it inward.
You don’t have to reject competition outright–just the shadow side you witnessed in childhood, in toxic workplaces, or in leaders who confused domination with excellence.
Being ambitious about what you value does not mean that someone will be hurt or that you are a narcissist.
Once shame is out of the way, you finally have space to feel what’s underneath it. That tends to be resentment.
How Resentment Activates Your Competitive Instinct
Your resentments show you what’s missing.
One of my friends is frustrated that his engineering team lacks the rigor necessary to create good systems. Another got saddled with a team of underperformers, and she’s getting no support for their development.
(For more on resentment, listen to episode 18.)
Each annoyance activates your inner critic, and that critic has high standards.
Rather than telling it to be more empathetic, what if you leaned in, listened, even gave it a name? My inner critic’s name is Beyoncé.
Beyoncé will not tolerate low-quality podcast audio or HR departments that fumble layoffs.
When you encounter a problem that has no reasonable solution yet, listen to your version of Beyoncé. What kind of improvement is it demanding?
The target of your high standards could become your next project. Get snobby and pay attention to what offends you, from huge issues like childhood poverty down to small design flaws like a wrong-shaped fork.
Your inner critic isn’t your enemy. It’s standard-bearer: the part of you that refuses to accept mediocrity. And that’s exactly the fuel you need.
Why Midlife Is the Perfect Time to Get Competitive
If your competitive drive is only just now awakening or taking on a healthier form, midlife is the perfect time to ignite it. You’re exactly on time. You have 30 years of accumulated wisdom to play with. You’ve worked through patterns, experienced failures, watched systems break down and improve. You trust your instincts.
And even better, many of the issues you used to fret about have flown out the window. You finally see what’s worth fighting for.
The many institutional failures you’ve seen mean you know what doesn’t work. Now you get to build what does.
Most businesses are built not from passion but from irritation. Someone got fed up with a mediocre solution and decided to fix it.
Turning Frustration Into Fuel
When you understand the source of your competitive energy, you can channel it into something useful. Here’s how to ignite your competitive drive into action.
Step 1: The Unacceptable List
Write down everything that makes you mutter “oh, absolutely not” under your breath. Broken systems, injustices, terrible design, things that waste people’s time or dignity.
Step 2: What Exactly About That?
Choose an item and name what specifically offends you. For example: “Having to call a doctor to book an appointment is unacceptable.” What about that?
- It wastes time
- It ignores people’s desire for autonomy
- It harms patients who already have low capacity
Step 3: Spot the Value Misalignment
Now translate each offense to a value:
- Efficiency
- Autonomy
- Compassion
Step 4: What I Would Change
Here’s where many people freeze. They think: “But I don’t know how to build an online scheduling system.” You don’t need to.
Lean into what you do know. It might be how to:
- Improve workflows
- Design a customer journey
- Build an MVP product
- Advocate for change
That’s how frustration becomes a consulting niche, an advocacy project, or a product concept.
You’re not looking for a perfect idea. You’re looking for a direction where your competence, your values, and your irritation naturally intersect.
Let Your Wisdom Lead the Way
Your inner competitor doesn’t have to be loud or obnoxious. It can be quiet, grounded, and laser-focused.
It can be rooted in the problem you care enough about to solve. Your end goal could be to improve lives, create beauty, or make processes better for people. This shows that we aren’t talking about domination, but about elevation.
So as you think about exiting the corporate world and reclaiming agency over your time and your happiness, think about what you care about enough to go after. The problems offend you enough to take action. The improvements your inner Beyonce demands.
You spent decades mastering systems that weren’t yours. Now it’s time to build something that finally uses everything you’ve learned. Try choosing one thing that frustrates you and take it through the “resentment to fuel” steps.
Your competitive drive is ready to ignite. Are you?
Burn the map. Build what fits.
