Like planning for the last bite of food on your plate, you can plan for the aftertaste that stays in your mouth when you leave a job.
Regardless of whether you’ll leave your corporate job in a year or you got the layoff notice 5 minutes ago, you have some agency over how you go. It matters, as it can affect your future networking opportunities and the emotional residue you carry into the next thing.
So let’s look at the question most people skip: how do you want to feel on your way out?
Projecting Future Feelings
Even if it took years for you to realize that your dissatisfaction is not your fault and it’s time to go; even if what comes next feels foggy and uncertain, you can plan.
Yes, you’ll worry about what to do next, where money will come from. You may wonder if you’ll lose touch with your work besties. It’s easy to let the fear take over and stumble out of your building in a fog.
After some time, you shake all of that off and start to imagine what you’ll feel like on the other side. Free! Invigorated! You’ll start to rebuild your sense of safety, and as you do, your curiosity will come back: the main ingredient for what you’ll do after this.
You can get to the feeling-great part in a cleaner and faster way if you take some care with your actual departure.
What Are You Designing For?
Your version of a satisfying departure will be unique to you. You can design for it.
When you think about leaving with your head held high, what do you imagine is in place? Perhaps you find ways to preserve your reputation, which is important to you. Or you want to feel a sense of closure, and not leave any dangling questions or unfinished projects behind.
Your personal values are a great way to remember what is essential to you, even when no one is looking. Maybe Independence and Safety are two big ones for you. Or Community and Influence. Let your values be the foundation of your departure design. When you do, the actions you take will reinforce your integrity; the best version of yourself.
Navigating the Gap
I’ve heard from some people who carry a lot of resentment for how they were treated in their jobs. I get it. The corporate world is full of awful managers and clumsy systems that are not set up to care for you.
Because their power at work is limited, these folks imagine enacting retaliation for their mistreatment on the way. Not anything dramatic, more like sending one final all-company flame mail airing all of their grievances. It sounds satisfying, but it will not make you look great. Let’s look under the hood for a minute.
Feeling bitter and resentful usually masks a deeper hurt that you were treated unfairly. It’s beyond frustrating to feel both hurt and powerless. You know that no apology is coming, that they will lump along and mistreat others.
It’s your responsibility to care for your sadness. When you do, you’ll move closer to feeling ok, which is usually the end goal of retaliation. To release conflict, call it even, and let yourself move forward.
From long talks with a friend who is a great listener, to a bonkers dance party, to a walk in the woods – you know best how to get big emotions out and come back to center. Make that part of the departure plan.
What To Do With Runway
If you have some planning time before you go, you can put some things in place starting now. If Connection is a value for you, could you start getting together with coworkers you care about and talk about literally anything other than work? Sustaining friendships outside the office means you’ll need some shared conversation topics or activities. Otherwise, you won’t hear from them again. Ask me how I know.
If keeping skills fresh is your priority, you can make use of every free learning tool at your company to soak up knowledge before you go. This can be a challenge if you’re already burned out, so consider it a way to reignite your curiosity, which is critical for your new life on the outside. Plus, you’ll be developing new skills that could transfer to a new domain.
A friend of mine planned her own going-away party. She gathered a few people at work that she liked and brought in her friends from the outside. Hung around her neck was 20 badges for each event she helped produce. After telling people what she would miss and not miss, she cut those lanyards in half, releasing the weight of all that work.
Goodbyes are important. It’s your opportunity to clean up what you can, appreciate what you’ve done, and thank other people for how they helped you. If someone decides to throw you a going away party where some of that happens, great. Most of the time it will be on you to create a ritual that means something to you. It sticks even better when you involve other people and take some kind of physical action.
If it’s a Sudden Departure
Can you do this even if you get laid off? You sure can. Ritual is helpful even if you have a few hours’ notice. Of course, getting laid off can generate a lot of feelings, shock being at the top. You don’t have to park how you feel in order to perform some kind of departure dance. Work through how you feel with people you trust, then when you’re ready, start the goodbye.
A party might not be the right thing after a layoff, so get more personal. Tell a former colleague what you accomplished that you’re proud of. Contact the people you enjoyed working with and tell them why. And for an advanced maneuver, ask a few colleagues to help you remember what you were like when you were operating at your best.
Write down everything they say.
It’s so tempting to decide that a layoff means you’re a failure, but other people don’t see you that way. Leaving with a list of what you did well and qualities that others admired is gold, and it can be a touchstone as you navigate your next chapter.
You can decide to leave a good taste in your mouth as you walk out the door. The way you leave is the first decision you make about who you’ll become next.
