As the old saying goes, feeling resentful is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. While you might know this intellectually, GenXers still carry a big load of workplace resentment.
You gave the company your energy and loyalty, only to be laid off.
You put in long hours just to watch your younger co-workers climb the ladder faster and then leave to make even more money.
It makes you want to chew your face off.
Today we’ll dig into resentment: why it makes sense, the false assumptions it rests on, and how to reframe it so you don’t get caught up in its toxic cycle. When you recognize the invisible contract you’re in, you can release yourself from the clutches of the grudge. And that will give you more energy for what you actually want.
Why GenXers Carry Workplace Resentment
Many GenXers started their careers in intense work environments with few boundaries. You hold fast to the idea that productivity equals value. You know how to keep your head down and put in the hours. So when your contributions are ignored or your new boss takes all their vacation time, you feel enraged and dismissed.
There’s some logic behind the feeling. Resentment helps us feel superior, and complaining about people fosters a sense of belonging with others who are equally bitter. It also lets you off the hook—you can just think your boundaries, not speak them out loud. And when someone stomps on them, you can get upset.
And this is the pickle: you feel bitter when someone breaks a contract you created but never told anyone about. Only you know the terms. You will offer something, and you expect a specific reward in return.
Once you understand and nullify the contract, you can reclaim agency and release the physical grip that resentment has on you.
So let’s do some digging.
What lurks beneath
Once, I was promoted to a role that I had no business doing. I had a supportive manager but no experience, and I was back on my heels the entire time. A talented guy on the same team started critiquing my work and managing my tasks. I panicked, feeling like I’d be fired or found out. Did I ask him for help? Hell no! Instead, I confronted him and told him to back off.
I wasn’t mad at him; I felt vulnerable about my confusion and inability to seek support. I envied his talent and couldn’t get it for myself, no matter how hard I tried. And worse, I didn’t even want to learn what it would take to do the job well. So I also punished myself for my lack of interest.
Peel back the moral high ground covering resentment, and you’ll find some sticky stuff: envy, failure to recognize our own shortcomings, and an inability to set boundaries.
Maybe you’ve felt the panic of powerlessness at work as you try to improve a system that will not be improved. You feel helpless about a company you tried to fix, you want to get out of there anyway, and then you resent the part of you that still cares.
Corrosive effects of resentment
The bummer is that you’re the only one who suffers from workplace resentment. It might feel like a weapon you point at others, but it only points back at you.
Over time, this irritation isolates you. The spark of moral vindication might be keeping you stuck in a career that is past its expiration date. Bitterness reinforces your victimhood and snuffs out your creativity, and it’s often hiding grief.
Muscle tightness, digestive issues, and sleep problems are common effects of lasting bitterness. Your compassion for others might decrease, along with your joy.
So before the poison takes over your heart, let’s turn it around.
Internal Reclamation
It won’t be effective to tell yourself just to stop feeling resentful. We need to understand the terms of the contract and where it’s breaking down. Namely, what you need that you’re not getting. Only then can you reclaim your self-authorship.
To do that, we need to make a brand new baseline assumption: that your self-perception counts more than anyone else’s. This can be a challenging concept for people-pleasers and approval-seekers. You can do it. I believe in you!
When you remember that you are the boss of you, your unwritten contract can evolve into boundary-setting. A healthy boundary involves naming what you’re experiencing, asking for a specific change, saying what you’ll do if that doesn’t happen, then following through. It is not about punishing someone or asking for something they can’t deliver.
So let’s try it. Name what you want and what you’re experiencing. Then transform that into a healthy boundary.
Your unwritten contract (that only you know about) might have sounded like this:
“My departure is approaching, and my manager hasn’t even scheduled a going-away party for me. Fine—I’m cutting my notice short and won’t train my replacement. That’ll show them what they lost.”
Your new healthy boundary (that you say to another person) could be:
“I want to leave well. I’ll finish my projects, document what’s needed, and give ample notice. I’ll need your support, which includes acknowledging my contribution and hosting a going-away celebration. If you don’t plan one, I’ll host my own.”
Reframing it in this way puts the power dynamic into focus. You aren’t quietly hoping to be thanked or planning a revenge move. You’re leading with your own self-respect.
Transforming unwritten contracts into boundaries is a practice, not a one-time negotiation with yourself. You can help this along by noticing what you’re doing well and taking credit for it. Daily. Write it down if you need to. Over time, you’ll be able to give yourself the approval that you outsourced to others for so long.
Redirect your resentment energy
Resentment is an energy hog. You’re holding the bag, and it’s heavy. GenXer: your energy is precious, and you’ll need every unit to prepare for what’s next.
If you let go, you get a return of emotional energy to feed your future, not your past. This could feel disorienting, so ground yourself: take care of your body, and stay connected to positive friends. Don’t spend time with Bitter Bob.
Creating new energy is great, but it needs somewhere to go. Let’s get physical.
The physical release
Resentment is a feeling you store in your body. When I tune into mine, I feel it as a tightening in my chest. Yours could be in your shoulders, your jaw, your gut.
To release it, try gentle stretching or opening of that area. I like to lie on the floor with a foam roller under my upper back. You might massage your jaw or do breathwork. If you cry or shake, that’s ok. You’re releasing stored-up negative energy.
Letting go is its own weird form of grief. Even though resentment didn’t feel good, it was familiar. Say goodbye. Getting free will be a relief.
Now what?
When you are released from resentment, you step more fully into a life that you author and evaluate. You’re no longer feeding past grievances, and you’re more able to accept what is, instead of mourning what could have been.
Letting go of workplace resentment is liberating, and it can inspire you to figure out what else you’re holding on to. What old grievances are draining your energy, and what would be possible if you let them go? You can reignite your curiosity, let some joy back into your heart, and rest in the feeling that your value is unquestionable.
It never worked anyway, so stop drinking the poison.
Instead, burn the map. Build what fits.
