Hey GenXer. Did your last company promise you’d be part of “the family”? That particular F-word comes with sacrificing your own needs for the unit and trusting that leaders are like benevolent parents.
Over time, you saw the dysfunction emerge and realized that it was not a family you’d like to be part of. Exposing corporate leadership myths is the last nail in the coffin of your corporate life.
And if you were a manager? Even more complicated, as you shouldered the burden of creating an impossible environment for employees while beginning to doubt the executives running the show.
So let’s recalibrate. Whether you were in leadership or on the front lines, we’ll unpack the myth of the benevolent boss, why the “company” isn’t really a decision-making body, and how to drop the resentment so you can focus on what’s next.
Why We Believed Corporate Leadership Myths
New employees tend to start out thrilled. I recall a friend telling me about landing his dream job. For months, he posted every milestone and product launch on LinkedIn.
A year after he started, I checked in to see how the gig was going. Was he still loving it? “It’s a job,” he said. Navigating the politics and chaos of a big company now occupied more of his time than what he was hired to do. He spent a lot of time managing up. Today? He’s out completely.
We feel safer at work if we believe leaders are more advanced than we are. We need them to be sharper, more emotionally intelligent, and better able to grasp complex problems. It’s a group of leaders that possess what Robert Kegan “the self-transforming mind.”
Shockingly few people are in this category. Many more believe they are (that’s the Dunning-Kruger effect).
There are dozens of examples of CEOs getting the blame for tanking companies. When you can watch a documentary and an 8-part miniseries about their downfall, like you can with Adam Neuman from WeWork, something went very wrong.
Also, the fact that we tend to ignore the advisors and company boards who greenlit those disasters tells me just how desperately we need to believe that someone has all the answers.
When Corporate Leadership Fails: The Illusion Collapses
Titles and org charts mask the reality that leaders are people navigating their own agendas and biases, usually without all the information they need. So let’s talk about you now, leaders.
You managed a lot in your role: staff development, the competing agendas of peers and bosses, and the invisible and insatiable group called “Shareholders.” Your team relied on you for information and direction, even when you didn’t know what was going on.
Most leaders care deeply about their teams and work hard to protect them from the chaos of upper management or the board. That might mean you still had to do your daily work, lay people off, and keep those who remained motivated.
This can feel a lot like moral injury, and if you leave the job or the industry, it may require recovery time. Because we’re in a corporate culture that revolves around the person at the top, your capacity is routinely overestimated and you are dehumanized. Then, when things go wrong, you get the blame. But the paycheck is great, right?
Your leadership might also be a big part of your identity. When you leave, your concept of self takes a hit.
I remember feeling adrift after I stepped away from my company: no one to manage, no leadership team to participate in. Without that anchor, I no longer knew how to introduce myself, saying weird things like, “I’m a person!”
But that’s the whole point here. You ARE someone under those layers. We just have to clear a path so you can find them.
Shedding the Grudge: Moving Beyond Failed Leadership
We can start by working through some grudges. I’ve worked with several clients who felt personally hurt by managers who fumbled layoffs or fired them after issuing glowing performance reviews.
Some people blamed the manager, and some blamed the company.
But there is no company. There are only people. That grudge might be what Brené Brown calls Institutional Betrayal. It’s the anger and resentment you feel after a system breaks your trust.
We expect so much from these systems, when, unfortunately, they are all compromised and limited. The root of suffering is the gap between expectations and reality. The first step to releasing bitterness is to accept the reality of the broken system.
If you could see leaders, your peers, the HR department as a collection of people trying their best in a construct set up to barely tolerate them, what could it open up for you?
From Corporate Leadership to Self-Leadership
Now that you can see people and systems as the fallible entities they really are, we have to disentangle our identities from all that brokenness.
There’s a cultural myth that great leadership can save everything. Whether you were the manager who couldn’t or the employee who knew it, the collapse of that myth can be distressing. That makes reframing it more critical.
So if you’re fretting about how you failed as a leader, or how your leaders failed you, let’s turn that focus inward. You are in control of your own life, and cultivating self-leadership is foundational to whatever you build next.
Here’s something that can boost your agency outside of the workplace: commit to one small experiment every week. Take an online class, volunteer for a few hours, or even repot a plant. Choose something with a tangible outcome and see how it feels.
Fuel for What’s Next
You can accomplish a lot once you stop expecting the corporate world to change for you. Sure, you may go through a period where you apply to a thousand jobs, only to remember that you don’t want to play the game anymore.
And when you decide that you’d like to build something of your own, that’s when you can reclaim your agency and get scrappy.
Your future venture might be half-formed in the brain of a colleague you worked with 10 years ago. What if you found five former colleagues who are working at something other than a big company. Contact each of them and ask how they got out and what has surprised them along the way.
That stony-faced HR rep from two jobs ago might be a future networking contact; the employee you had to fire might someday hire you.
If you’re playing with AI, describe your current area of expertise and ask about adjacent industries where your skills are relevant. I bet interesting problems are waiting for someone like you.
Your Move, GenX
Corporations are just not that into you, GenX.
Whether you’re in the C-suite or not, it’s doubtful that you’ll be able to fix the broken system at your company. Instead, get ready to create your next opportunity.
You can get the ball rolling this week. Try this: Write a goodbye letter to the company, even if you’re still there. Tell the leaders what you will miss, what you won’t miss, and what you’re proud of accomplishing. Tell a story that describes the insanity you witnessed. At the end, write “goodbye” and sign your name. This part is important: You will not send this letter! Shred that thing with gusto.
A goodbye letter creates a little space in your heart for what’s next. It breaks the spell of the “we’re a family” promise and lets you reclaim your agency as an independent person.
Getting your eyes pried open is a wisdom boost. Once you truly understand how the system works, you can take back your autonomy and build something new.
Burn the map. Build what fits.
After you leave, the fog might come next. Tips for how to cope with the offgassing phase are in Episode 10: Post-Corporate Detox – The Fog is Real.
